If you’re afab, it’s okay, even after transition, to feel weird or even uncomfortable around cis men. This doesn’t make you any less masculine. As afab people, we have a different understanding of cis men and it’s okay to feel intimidated.
Cis men often don’t realize that their existence is often intimidating to others and even the most basic state can cause uneasiness. If you feel bad about not wanting to be around guys or feel afraid when a cis guy yells, that’s okay. Unfortunately it is normal to feel this way with how often we encounter men who are overly aggressive and or violent.
I know it is a very, very common feeling among trans men and it can leave one feeling emasculated or feeling like they don’t belong. Cis men aren’t usually aware of their aggressive tendencies or those of their friends whereas we often pick up on any kind of friction or anger. These feelings of discomfort aren’t necessarily unwarranted (meaning you might be subconsciously picking up on signs that things aren’t right,) you don’t need to put yourself in situations that are possibly unsafe in order to fit in or to feel masculine!! Not all cis men are uncomfortable to be around and if you’re feeling this way, maybe there’s a reason. My advice is to stick to people who don’t make you afraid. There’s no reason to stick around those people and you need to do what’s best for you! Even if it means you only keep the company of women or even other trans folks.
If someone can’t respect your needs, for instance if you have repeatedly told someone they need to use a quieter voice and they argue with you, cut them loose. You’re not any less of a man and you should only worry about your wellbeing, comfort, and your safety.
At my last company, one day someone in accounting approached me at lunch and quietly told me I need to ask for a raise because I was way underpaid.
They gave me a number to shoot for. It was about twice than what I had been making at the time.
So I went online, did some research, found some figures backing up my claim, put it all together and went to my boss.
I got what I asked for.
If it hadn’t been for that person in accounting telling me I was way underpaid, I’d have never known. I went from barely scraping by to being able to have a savings account and getting all my debts paid thanks to them.
You should at least check sites like salary.com to start the process of seeing what you should be making.
Because this is crucially important
Except for the fact that 90% of the time you are under contract not to talk about your salary otherwise the company can sue you. Every job I’ve had I’ve had to sign that I won’t discuss my pay with other employees otherwise my employment is terminated and the company will take legal action.
Trans-inclusive language in religious texts is SO IMPORTANT. There is nothing in some young people’s lives that can either validate or dehumanize them so quickly as how they see themselves represented in the words of their religion.
